Big T's Birthday

Big T is Travis and Lil T is Truman. I keep trying to make those nickname stick but it's not working. I'm gonna keep trying! 

Yesterday was Big T's 29th birthday! This was the 12th year I celebrated Travis's birthday. 

He got some gifts and cookies from me then we went to a friend's house for Thursday Night Football and had dinner. Nachos! Travis is in a fantasy league so every Thursday they get together for dinner and football. It's a lot of fun! And they like my kids so win win. 

Tonight I'll make Travis's favorite dinner: Bombay Chicken Curry. It's not a hard dish to make but it does take a while and has a lot of steps but it's totally worth it. YummO! 

(Yes, I'm wearing a Rocko's Modern Life t-shirt.)

My mom got Lil T a shark costume and it's hilarious!

Walter decided to sit in daddy's chair for breakfast this morning.

So that's that. I'm hoping to find a sitter for Saturday so Big T and I can see a matinee movie. If you know of someone who's available, let me know! I think it would freak me out if someone actually read this blog hahah!! 

A Middle School Halloween

Last night we had the middle school Halloween party and it was fun. It wasn't a huge group but I think that's what made fun. 

My costume. Yes, another selfie but at least I'm a cute cat so that makes it interesting! 

That hippy costume would have been me in middle school but not as a costume. 

Playing Chubby Bunny. You have to stuff as many big marshmallows in your mouth that you can and say, "Chubby bunny.". It's pretty gross and hilarious.

Bible racing! Banana man is cracking me up! 

When you're too old and too tired to be creative you recycle old costumes. 

Today is Travis's birthday!! Yay! We will be having my speciality: Bombay Chicken Curry. Then it's dessert at friends house. Should be fun! 

10.28.15

Today is the middle school Halloween party at church! Fun! I'll try to post some pics tomorrow. 

So far today: 

Walter trying to use my breast pump. Cracks me up!

Travis and I both are guilty of jealousy from time to time so we always talk about how we need to stop being this way. Today we both had a problem with jealousy and this made us miss his mom a lot (who was awesome). She passed away over 10 years ago and it breaks my heart when he missed his mom. 

On a similar note we had to cancel Walter's bday party because no one in my family will come because they're all too busy. Good thing Walt's only 2 and won't have hurt feelings. 

Moving on...

I forgot about this sign that I found in the basement! I'm gonna change it to 29 and I think T will be surprised! 

 

 It's cloudy and rainy and it makes me want to nap but I guess I'll take some more coffee. 

On the other side

Yesterday ended up being pretty good. After my 4am breakdown and some sleep I felt better. All I could do at the time was pray and God came through. 

Yesterday's highlights:

Today:

Finishing up the boys Calvin and Hobebs costumes.

Travis's bday is on Thursday but I wanted to start a little early. 

I pinned this today and I'm gonna make it! I hope... 

Tomorrow is the middle school Halloween party. Should be fun :)

Postpartum Depression

Lots of terrible writing ahead.

I've been dealing with some postpartum depression like symptoms for a few weeks now. It's not a everyday thing. Somedays I feel completely normal and other days I feel like this heavy weight falls on me. Like a darkness that starts in my head and works its way down my body. I can almost physically feel it happen. It's so strange. 

Something triggers this. A situation or just a simple negative thought and it doesn't go away. I keep thinking about it and thinking about it. Then it turns into this sort of voice that says, "You're terrible at ______." Then I'll just fill in the blank (being a mom, being a wife, losing weight, looking pretty, having friends, being interesting, serving and honoring Christ, being a good example, showing Jesus to the world, teaching Walter, etc.). It's never just one thing. It always escalates until I feel like I'm falling apart and no one cares and no one can see it. And I'm alone with these thoughts. 

I feel almost ashamed because I have Jesus so there is no reason to feel this way, right? I just need to call on him and he will make me whole again. Of course I know that this is true but when I'm in this darkness I feel so trapped and almost drowning so I can't catch my breathe enough to call out to Jesus. I'm so ashamed to say that. I know he is the ultimate healer! He's done it before and he'll do it again! I'm failing at what God is calling me to do. 

I can't sleep. I'm up at night for hours at a time because of this (and Truman but that's okay!). I distance myself and it makes me feel worse. People have stopped talking to me. I mean I still get the small talk but no one wants to have a real conversation with me. I've only told a few people about this depression but I always add, "It's all better now!" so they don't feel awkward and get weirded out by me. So I never truly share what's going on. 

I don't think I'm smart enough to try and finish writing what I'm feeling. Right now it feels like a bad day. It could turn around though. 

Somedays are good and some days are bad. 

The Presidential Gala

Yep. We went to gala last night and it was very fun! We got to hang out with awesome people, eat delicious food and even dance a bit. They had an amazing  A Capella group and then dueling pianos for dancing and entertainment. I wish I got more photos but I didn't boo hoo. 

This photo makes me for real laugh because Travis's head is right in the middle of the wreath I made! It's like a halo hahah!! 

And today 

Watching wrestling with Travis 

It's Saturday so relax and eat leftovers for dinner.

80%

Today I'm feeling much better. I'd say I'm at an 80% which is pretty awesome considering the lack of sleep I've been getting. So on to the gala tonight! To be honest I have no idea what this gala is for but we got free tickets and I get to dress up so we're going! Plus free dinner. 

Post time out face.

Truman always smiling in the morning.

I think Walt likes me again.

Did my own before and after with help from my friend Angelia.

BEFORE

AFTER

Photos of me and Travis will be next post! Warning: We cute. 

Moms don't get sick days

I've been puking since last night. I think I caught what Walt had. Travis also informed me this morning that he's starting to feel weird. I really hope we are better for the gala tomorrow night. 

Travis came home a little early from work to let me nap. Truman joined me which is always sweet. 

More Coffee Please

Truman smiling at me while he nurses! It's so sweet!

After all this morning fun and sweetness Walter decided to pour my coffee on the table. Thankfully it had cooled down quite a bit so he didn't get burned. But he knows better! He hasn't done something like this in a long time. Ugh😥

Bought this dress for a gala we are going to on Friday. It's a black tie event! 

Lunch

Mr. No Nap 😩